On a warm, sunny Sunday, I decided to go for a drive. It was a breezy, upper 60s/low 70s afternoon, and I couldn’t resist the opportunity to head out into the middle of nowhere with the windows down and the music turned up just loud enough to let me think without dipping into too deep a rumination. I climbed into my car and drive my favorite, winding path through endless miles of farmland and tiny towns.
On my way back home, I caught sight of a pedestrian bridge over the creek south of town. I’d driven this route a few times, but somehow I’d missed that bit of scenery. On an impulse, I pulled off the road into a small parking lot that opened up to a trail winding over the bridge. I stepped out of my car and found an empty bench right in the middle of the bridge, in exactly the right spot to watch the water rush over a string of rocks.
The scene brought to mind a few of my favorite lyrics by a guy named Josh Garrels, so I snapped an Instagram photo and posted it with his words. But as I put my phone away, I thought to myself of a song by a band called Esterlyn, which I’m pretty sure I know because I downloaded an EP off of NoiseTrade.
“And you never get what you want / If you don’t know what it is / And you don’t know what you want / But you know it’s not this
“There is hope where you are going / There is a dream that has been spoken / There is beauty all around / There is still beauty to be found.”
For the past couple of months, I’ve found myself more able to feel hope and happiness than I was in the preceding few months. Yes, things have been hard for me, but I’m learning that’s OK because those times are the ones that help you grow the most.
But while I’m pleased to report that I’ve been entering into a sunnier season of life recently, I still have days when I wake up and feel this weight of discontent, like maybe if I could just get my life together or work harder or be more successful or become a better person, I’d feel a little more worthy to be.
But then other days, I drive down to a creek and look out at the skyline and realize that things are probably as they ought to be. Whether it’s been a good day or a long day, there’s still beauty in it. Sometimes, I just need to have the eyes to see it.